Getting Over The Hurt of A Breakup

The most common approach people take in getting over hurt of a breakup is trying to prove to the person that they didn't lose.

And it's very understandable, just that it doesn't really work.

If after a breakup you're still trying to get even or show them you didn't lose, you're not fully healed yet and you won't heal that way.

You don't overcome the feeling of being cheated by trying to show them you're not cheated.

You can't prove enough— you're hurting for God's sake. Proving is digging the wound. It's staying around the hurt.

You should move on instead.

"Moving on" means you aren't hanging around the incident, including the getting even part.

A healthier approach to getting over the hurt is to...

1. Detach the sense of wholeness of your life from them i.e "my life exists and is whole without X".

2. Intentionally work on making the most and avoiding the same pain in the present or future relationship (don't be blind to what went wrong in that relationship)

3. Sincerely want the best for them. It frees up your heart to love and happiness (Hmm... It's hard but only love can conquer hate.)

4. Stop replaying in your mind all your "sacrifices" for them and the nice time you had together.

5. Smile (a winner's smile) whenever you see or remember them (you're not a loser so don't act like one.)

A smile signals your system that you're fine and it reacts accordingly.

What these steps are doing is creating an ideal life for you separate from them.

Your Healing Comes When You're No Longer Looking Up To Them For Anything, Including Validation.

If you're still trying to prove to them, it means you still care about their perception and valuation of you— you are still looking up to them for something.